grandparents

We’re visiting the grandparents in 23 days (in Illinois – worth revising traveling arrangements with toddlers).
We’re visiting the grandparents for two whole weeks!
Brace yourself, Mrs. Hillman!
Breathe.

I count the days to the visit but I will carve the days on my wrist until we leave.

Visiting the grandparents – they may as well call it Disneyland with no entry fees.
The only thing you check in at the entry is mommy’s and daddy’s rule book and discipline tools.
If mommy and daddy are allowed to enter in the first place.
I mean, mommy and daddy become the official party crashers there!

It goes like this: my husband and I are going to visit the grandparents and we’re going with our three little soldiers.
We’re coming back (after the visit is over) with two Royalties and one Diva.
We’re going to the grandparents’ house with our kids saying “please” and “thank you” all the time.
We’re coming back with our kids saying “now” and “no”, and the occasional “but granny allows me” and “I want to go back to grandpaaaaa”.
We’re going to the grandparents’ house with our kids eating broccoli and listening to classic fairytales before they go to sleep.
We’re coming back with our kids eating Nutella straight from the jar drinking a beer and watching Scarface before bedtime.
That and, oh, the jet-lag.

the grandkids are coming, set up the trailer, we’ll take them on a surprise trip to Canada!

What is it with the grandparents spoiling all the discipline?
Like, ALWAYS (yes, I’m screaming ALWAYS, and now I’m stressing on it AAAALLLLWWWAAAAYYYYYSSSSS!)

Everything is allowed with the grandparents.
And I scream EVERYTHING!

Eating and playtime
Triple scoop of chocolate ice-cream for breakfast, TV all day long, pyjama parties, sleeping in a tent in the yard, dressing up plays (usually with mommy’s clothes ONLY!), painting hair, making fake tattoos, smoking cigarettes, drinking martinis, strip clubs.

Just don’t dare ask the grandparents “please, don’t spoil my kids”.
Game is on, mommy.
You’re doomed!

To your parents your children are the most adorable creatures on this Universe that cannot be denied ANYTHING.
Candy dipped in chocolate for lunch? Right away sweetie!
Scary movies? You got it, my treasure!
Make leather flakes out of mommy’s purse? Sure thing, princess!
Shave daddy’s legs? Just don’t wake him up, honeypot!

And then, when you have to tell off your kids, you see the grandpa, the grandma and the three little daredevils sitting on the couch, giving you all a guilty look. You don’t know whom to scorn first – the kids or the grandparents. You lecture them for 10 minutes and the moment they see your back, the cloud of madness erupts again.

Rock ‘n’ roll music, martinis and leather flakes in the air!

Don’t rest on the fact that at bedtime everything will subside. Nah.
It’s only just the beginning. They’re all waiting for YOU – the boring disciplinarian – to doze off and they’re starting, sorry, they’re continuing the party.
Don’t be surprised if the next morning you find pizza remains on the carpet, the delivery pizza guy and other strangers snoring on the couch.

Shopping time
It pains me to even utter the words “shopping with the grandparents”.
The options are these: leave the kids with the grandparents and go with hubby to shop but you risk finding out they’re on the West Coast by the time you return.
Or, go to the store all together.
Which one is worse?
I give up.
Just replace “never” below with “always” in my three rules for shopping with the kids and you have shopping with the kids AND the grandparents:

1. never buy anything the kid wants while you’re in the store
2. never allow the kid to eat anything that you haven’t paid for yet
3. never allow the kid to run around the store

The problem is that shopping hasn’t finished just yet.
There’s Toys R Us next door. And that’s when you really want to roll on the floor, cry, and cry while pulling your hair real hard.

Afternoon nap
There isn’t one!!! Not while you’re at granny’s!

—

I skipped one up there and that’s learning. Grandparents are some of the most wonderful teachers we can expose our children to.
I recommend it.
Just like a dear professor of mine recommended that we expose our children to excellent people.
Grandparents know.
Grandparents are fun.
Grandparents are calm and easy-going.
They’re the break between lessons.
They’re the chocolate chip in the yogurt.
And I’m saying that not to buy my ticket to Disneyland.
There’s so much that grandparents can teach our kids that we as parents won’t or can’t.
And that’s important.
Bless all grandparents…well, at least those that make an effort, even if it’s their own way.